subject: laugh for the day
Our proofreader suggests adding the word "artificially" before "impregnating." I think she's right. :)
Many National Zoo scientists have been credited with making big strides toward that goal—impregnating a giant panda, for example—and rightly so....
8.07.2009
ptl for proofreaders.
i just got an email from one of our editors about that story i wrote, which is finally going in to the magazine (!!!!) in september. it's about the zoo.
8.06.2009
ladies and gentlemen, an impromptu surprise for you.
today, i had a song from white christmas stuck in my head. (it's only my favorite movie of all time.) so i thought to myself, self, you're going to watch that tonight. and then i was excited.
but then! i remembered about the wonder that is the internets. i did a little googling and what did i find? clips of all my favorite songs! so i watched them all. twice. and i sang along. out loud.
oh, how my coworkers love me.
so now i'm posting them here because i know for a fact there are at least four other white christmas lovers who read this here blog. so, you're welcome.
for everyone else (i'm looking at you, chris), all i have to say is:
mr. bones, mr. bones, how do you feel mr. bones?
rattlin'!
mr. bones feels rattlin'. ha ha. that's a good one...
but then! i remembered about the wonder that is the internets. i did a little googling and what did i find? clips of all my favorite songs! so i watched them all. twice. and i sang along. out loud.
oh, how my coworkers love me.
so now i'm posting them here because i know for a fact there are at least four other white christmas lovers who read this here blog. so, you're welcome.
for everyone else (i'm looking at you, chris), all i have to say is:
mr. bones, mr. bones, how do you feel mr. bones?
rattlin'!
mr. bones feels rattlin'. ha ha. that's a good one...
and the ultimate tear-jerker...
8.03.2009
eating and sleeping.
on saturday, we went to a fancy restaurant and had five courses but only paid for two. i mean, it was an expensive two courses, but it would have been an expensiver five courses, so that's how i'm choosing to look at it.
chris knew the chef, so he hooked us up with all sorts of delicious bites. i'm not the foodie sort, really, so here goes my best descriptions of what were my two favorite dishes:
1) white gazpacho. the chef told us it was tomato-less (duh) and he said what made it white but i don't really remember. i tasted like bananas and almonds to me, and while it most definitely was not, that's what i'm choosing to believe. so imagine it like this: kinda like pureed baby food slop, but really super delicious. ok, i just grossed myself out. sorry.
2) panna cotta...somethingsomething. i don't remember what the somethingsomething was, but the dessert pretty much tasted like a fruit explosion on your tongue. it was like eating a bunch of tropical starbursts, then sticking a sparkler in your mouth. gosh—why am i not a food writer? i am awesome.
we were supposed to follow up the dinner with a movie—500 Days of Summer—but, um, we didn't. we went home and went to sleep. i know, we're lame. but i was stuffed and pretty much the only thing i want to do when i've completely gorged myself is exactly what you're not supposed to do (i.e. go home and sleep) but we all know i'm, like, such a rebel, so really who's surprised by this turn of events? also, i love to sleep. it is my favorite activity.
how much sleeping and eating did you do this weekend? let's compare notes. but be warned: i will probably win.
chris knew the chef, so he hooked us up with all sorts of delicious bites. i'm not the foodie sort, really, so here goes my best descriptions of what were my two favorite dishes:
1) white gazpacho. the chef told us it was tomato-less (duh) and he said what made it white but i don't really remember. i tasted like bananas and almonds to me, and while it most definitely was not, that's what i'm choosing to believe. so imagine it like this: kinda like pureed baby food slop, but really super delicious. ok, i just grossed myself out. sorry.
2) panna cotta...somethingsomething. i don't remember what the somethingsomething was, but the dessert pretty much tasted like a fruit explosion on your tongue. it was like eating a bunch of tropical starbursts, then sticking a sparkler in your mouth. gosh—why am i not a food writer? i am awesome.
we were supposed to follow up the dinner with a movie—500 Days of Summer—but, um, we didn't. we went home and went to sleep. i know, we're lame. but i was stuffed and pretty much the only thing i want to do when i've completely gorged myself is exactly what you're not supposed to do (i.e. go home and sleep) but we all know i'm, like, such a rebel, so really who's surprised by this turn of events? also, i love to sleep. it is my favorite activity.
how much sleeping and eating did you do this weekend? let's compare notes. but be warned: i will probably win.
7.29.2009
7.23.2009
in case you were wondering...
...this is how i spend my days. all day. everyday.
me: so this guy who i'm interviewing
dear best friends, LOLZ. love, e.
me: so this guy who i'm interviewing
his email says J. Paul somethingsomething
so you'd think he goes by paul
no
he goes by jpaul
Abby: whaaa?
me: i think that's what i have to call him.
Abby: thats weird
me: it's how he signs his emails! observe:
E -
Marvelous news! I would be delighted to speak with you this afternoon
around 1:30 or tomorrow (Thursday) from 2pm on. Unfortunately, I will
be going out of town on Friday thru the following week, so today or
tomorrow may be your best bets to catch me before then.
Looking forward to it!
JPaul
Marvelous news! I would be delighted to speak with you this afternoon
around 1:30 or tomorrow (Thursday) from 2pm on. Unfortunately, I will
be going out of town on Friday thru the following week, so today or
tomorrow may be your best bets to catch me before then.
Looking forward to it!
JPaul
Abby: strange
me: right??!?
Abby: yes, i would say so
me: so i replied, "JPaul..."
Abby: marvelous!
me: and i felt foolish
Abby: haha
well, you work with what you've got
me: i think my first question will be, what shall i call you?
Rebekka: maybe the j is silent
dear best friends, LOLZ. love, e.
7.21.2009
the most unnecessarily multi-racial story ever, but whatever.
oh! i almost forgot this!
on our flight home from chicago, there were these two families sitting in the rows in front of us—one asian family of three in the row directly in front of us, and one indian family of three in the row one up and to our left. (their ethnicities don't actually matter for the purposes of this story—they could be martian and the outcome wouldn't matter—but i like including such details so you can accurately picture my plight in your head. you're welcome.)
the plane is completely full because the flight we were supposed to get on was inexplicably canceled (don't get me started.) we board and we're sitting in our seats trying to read, when the indian family walks back to take their seats. now remember, the plane is full, and most of the people on it are from the standby list, like us, since the other plane was canceled. there are like 40 or more people inside who never made it on any flight because this plane is full so we should all be thanking our lucky stars that we're on a plane at all.
so. the indian family comes on and they quickly realize they're separated by a row—the mom and kid are in the row ahead and the dad is in the same row as we are, but on the opposite side of the plane. you can tell the dad isn't happy about it, and i could literally see the wheels turning in his head as he's plotting his move. so then the asian family gets on, and the same thing happens: the mom and daughter are in the row in front of us, and the dad is seated two rows behind them. he's not happy either. the two dads start talking and they decide they're going to ask people to switch seats.
mind you, this is a two hour flight, not something to get all worked up about. i mean, they should be thankful for a 120 minute break from their kids.
anyway, people are now shuffling around them as they're standing in the middle of the aisle waiting for whoever is supposed to sit in their families' rows. a black man sits in the asian family's row, and i hear the wife say to him, excuse me, but would you mind switching with my husband? he's sitting two rows back.
and the guy's like, um, i guess. he was all reluctant and i could tell, but whatever. no skin off my nose. i'm just watching the whole thing.
so then a white lady comes and sits with the indian guy's family and the wife asks her if her husband could take her seat. this woman was more visibly annoyed by the question than her black-man counterpart had been, but she obliges and switches.
that's that, i think to myself, and i go back to reading.
five minutes later an announcement comes over the system: will so-and-so please press the assistance button?
no one moves.
again: will so and so please signal to the flight attendant?
again, no movement.
so at this point, i'm all, oh my gosh there's a terrorist on board and he's hiding in the bathroom and he's concocting a bomb out of liquid hand soap and scratchy toilet paper and we're all going to die!!!!!!!!!
so then the flight attendant comes back to where the indian family was sitting and she has a passenger with her and she's like, i need to see your ticket stubs. they start fumbling around hemming and hawing because they know the dad's not supposed to be there. i wanted to scream, HE SWITCHED SEATS AND SO DID THIS ASIAN GUY AND ALSO WHERE'S THE TERRORIST DID YOU CATCH HIM YET?
but i didn't.
so then they're finally like, "um, we switched seats so we could sit together." which launches the already-exasperated stewardess into a frenzied dissertation about how it's illegal to switch seats and there is a passenger who had a ticket for this one seat but now it's all screwed up because people moved around, and blah blah blah.
suddenly it feels like kindergarten or maybe 10th grade when someone does something naughty at school and everyone knows but the teacher and she's yelling at one person when really it was another person's fault and you know the truth but you don't say anything and there's this thickness in the air because everyone knows who did what except the teacher and it's like, awkward, but just internally because the teacher has no idea, and then you go out in the hall and you're all, oh my gosh, how did the teacher not know??!
yeah, like that.
so there's actually two people who did illegal things on my flight—the indian dad and the asian dad—but only one got verbally accosted by the stewardess.
and i guess there's really no point to this story except to say 1) who knew switching seats on airplanes is illegal?, 2) why do i get so physically worked up about situations that don't at all involve me?, and 3) when exactly did they stop serving snacks on planes because that's messed up?
on our flight home from chicago, there were these two families sitting in the rows in front of us—one asian family of three in the row directly in front of us, and one indian family of three in the row one up and to our left. (their ethnicities don't actually matter for the purposes of this story—they could be martian and the outcome wouldn't matter—but i like including such details so you can accurately picture my plight in your head. you're welcome.)
the plane is completely full because the flight we were supposed to get on was inexplicably canceled (don't get me started.) we board and we're sitting in our seats trying to read, when the indian family walks back to take their seats. now remember, the plane is full, and most of the people on it are from the standby list, like us, since the other plane was canceled. there are like 40 or more people inside who never made it on any flight because this plane is full so we should all be thanking our lucky stars that we're on a plane at all.
so. the indian family comes on and they quickly realize they're separated by a row—the mom and kid are in the row ahead and the dad is in the same row as we are, but on the opposite side of the plane. you can tell the dad isn't happy about it, and i could literally see the wheels turning in his head as he's plotting his move. so then the asian family gets on, and the same thing happens: the mom and daughter are in the row in front of us, and the dad is seated two rows behind them. he's not happy either. the two dads start talking and they decide they're going to ask people to switch seats.
mind you, this is a two hour flight, not something to get all worked up about. i mean, they should be thankful for a 120 minute break from their kids.
anyway, people are now shuffling around them as they're standing in the middle of the aisle waiting for whoever is supposed to sit in their families' rows. a black man sits in the asian family's row, and i hear the wife say to him, excuse me, but would you mind switching with my husband? he's sitting two rows back.
and the guy's like, um, i guess. he was all reluctant and i could tell, but whatever. no skin off my nose. i'm just watching the whole thing.
so then a white lady comes and sits with the indian guy's family and the wife asks her if her husband could take her seat. this woman was more visibly annoyed by the question than her black-man counterpart had been, but she obliges and switches.
that's that, i think to myself, and i go back to reading.
five minutes later an announcement comes over the system: will so-and-so please press the assistance button?
no one moves.
again: will so and so please signal to the flight attendant?
again, no movement.
so at this point, i'm all, oh my gosh there's a terrorist on board and he's hiding in the bathroom and he's concocting a bomb out of liquid hand soap and scratchy toilet paper and we're all going to die!!!!!!!!!
so then the flight attendant comes back to where the indian family was sitting and she has a passenger with her and she's like, i need to see your ticket stubs. they start fumbling around hemming and hawing because they know the dad's not supposed to be there. i wanted to scream, HE SWITCHED SEATS AND SO DID THIS ASIAN GUY AND ALSO WHERE'S THE TERRORIST DID YOU CATCH HIM YET?
but i didn't.
so then they're finally like, "um, we switched seats so we could sit together." which launches the already-exasperated stewardess into a frenzied dissertation about how it's illegal to switch seats and there is a passenger who had a ticket for this one seat but now it's all screwed up because people moved around, and blah blah blah.
suddenly it feels like kindergarten or maybe 10th grade when someone does something naughty at school and everyone knows but the teacher and she's yelling at one person when really it was another person's fault and you know the truth but you don't say anything and there's this thickness in the air because everyone knows who did what except the teacher and it's like, awkward, but just internally because the teacher has no idea, and then you go out in the hall and you're all, oh my gosh, how did the teacher not know??!
yeah, like that.
so there's actually two people who did illegal things on my flight—the indian dad and the asian dad—but only one got verbally accosted by the stewardess.
and i guess there's really no point to this story except to say 1) who knew switching seats on airplanes is illegal?, 2) why do i get so physically worked up about situations that don't at all involve me?, and 3) when exactly did they stop serving snacks on planes because that's messed up?
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